Your essay is not a résumé in paragraphs
By Ryan Jaffe ·
Almost every first draft I read does the same thing. It names an activity, explains why the activity mattered, and ends by stating what the student learned. It is organized, it is on topic, and it is nearly impossible to tell apart from the hundred essays read before it.
The problem is that the essay is doing a job the rest of the application already does. Your transcript lists the classes. Your activities section lists the hours. The essay is the only part written in your voice, and it is the only part that can show a reader how you think.
The fix is usually smaller than students expect. Pick one moment instead of a season. Put us in the room. Let the meaning stay underneath the writing instead of getting announced in the last paragraph.
A reader who finishes your essay should be able to describe you to someone else. That almost never happens when the essay is a summary. It happens when it is a scene.